1-1-1-2

According to the ticker above, we have been waiting one year, plus one month, plus one week, plus two days.

It's been two months since my last post, and here is what I have to say. Actually, have not had a lot to say in the last two months, nothing positive anyways. March and April were full to the rim with (what I am told is normal): doubt and sadness and fear and thinking that this might never happen...that I am not cut out to be a mom... and how am I going to be able to juggle everything? and what will this do to J and my life as we know it? and, and, and...

But then along comes May, sunshine, brighter days, more time outside, more QT w/J, taking better care of myself, and NOW, now I can reach out and touch it! I can feel the excitement every time my phone rings and it is a number I don't know w/ a different area code. When our agency calls w/ a referral (a sibling match, our "two beans" as J calls them), it will be a call from Massachusetts. Where ever I am when that call comes, beware! And if J and I are not together when the call comes, that will be quite trying. I will have to decide whether to receive the info right then & there w/o J or wait until we are together to take it all in. Those of you who know me know how that will go.

So, I must say that the one thing that pushed me through all the doubt, all the muck, all the fear, all the sadness...it was not prayer, nor believing in myself, not even patience, nope, it was the thoughtful and so essential sense of humor that J has, and he knows when to use it. There is not a day that goes by that he does not make me laugh, sometimes I just look at him in wonder, or puzzlement, and every time, I smile. He's keeps my head up!

So, I am grateful for what May brings... more sunshine, more smiles, much more time in the yard and garden, more gatherings w/ family, more beverages w/ friends, more days of good music w/ the windows down in the car, more dinners out on the back deck, and...one more step closer to us getting the "call." I am ready ;]

Love you all.