Leave
Back in November I made it official, I submitted my letter (again) requesting a leave of absence for the remainder of this school year. I knew I was going to do it, once J ended up with a new position back in June, after being cut from his position of the last 5 years. I knew that this was the year to do it, to take a leave, and that this was the biggest investment I could ever and will ever make. It is a beyond-measure big investment.
With all my certainty about taking a leave and all the wonder of being w/ Meseret for so many precious moments, once I was home, full-time, each day, and not going to work, I felt a little uncomfortable. I admit it.
Jay, too, was home full time, until December 9th, so we had 5 solid months to establish some roots as a family. What a blessing. It was not until he started work that my 'discomfort' crept in.
Being home full time with Meseret is new, amazing, fabulous, liberating, uplifting, enlightening, a whole lot of fun, and very often a welcomed challenge.
I would also describe it as different, strange, unfamiliar, a challenge that I find quite trying at times, and uncomfortable.
The discomfort comes mainly from not making an income. Since I was 16 years old, I have earned a paycheck for myself. With that comes independence. For the last seventeen years, my career has been teaching at one school or another in the Syracuse City School District. The work was mostly inspiring, always a welcomed challenge, and the income was secure. For the last eleven years, J and I have both been liberal with our money when we wanted to be, and frugal much of the rest of the time. For the last nine years in our home, I have contributed my half of our budget.
It is a bit of an adjustment to contribute so little now.
We both knew this time would come, that one of us would take a year's leave to invest time in building connections with Meseret. We worked out a budget spreadsheet a year ago to see if it was feasible. It was.
It is a huge adjustment, but I am getting used to it, or getting past it. The joys and challenges of spending each day with Meseret have trumped whatever feelings I have been harboring about taking this leave.
I never knew how it would feel until the time arrived. Now that time has passed, I feel less and less uncomfortable. I am slowly learning to be in the moment and be thankful that I have this opportunity. Otherwise, I am wasting too valuable time analyzing the choice to take this leave. Time is too precious for any more of that.
Balance
Once I knew I was taking a leave, it was clear that I needed a plan for how I would mentally, emotionally, and intellectually survive when going from working full time in education (for years) to being home full time with a toddler.
Survival Strategy One- Grad Class
From Sep. to Dec. I was taking a grad class on Monday nights. It was fairly demanding, relative to other classes in this (Educational Leadership) Program. There was a good amount of reading and a paper due each week. Plus, there were some pretty big projects, both individual and group. On a weekly basis I would go to a local cafe or library for 3-4 hours to do my coursework. I would also spend a couple hours a week meeting with my colleagues. It was great to get out and connect with some colleagues and engage in some really tough conversations about education and equity. The class ended the week before Jay started his new teaching position. No conflicts. It was perfect. This class was the last in my required coursework for my CAS. What I have left is an internship.
Survival Strategy Two- Internship Search
In order to complete my CAS degree, I have to secure an internship position in Building-level Leadership. Even after coming this far, I still know that I do not aspire to be a Building Principal. I do aspire to do something in [Teacher Leadership or Professional Development], but running a building does not appeal to me. So, once I return in the fall, I am hoping to be in a position that involves either or both of [those], as well as satisfies my internship requirements. I have had some initial meetings with a few district-level people and am writing up a proposal for a position that does not presently exist. Time will tell where that will lead. This keeps me focused in a healthy way on some aspects of my future.
Survival Strategy Three- Yoga Teacher Training
In September I embarked on a new path. I started a 200 hour RYT (Registered Yoga Teacher) training. I have been looking into this for a few years now. Each training I came across was a schedule I could not (or would not) commit to. For example, meeting every other weekend for 5 months or meeting for 2 weeks straight. After spending a good amount of (nap) time researching different options, in August I stumbled upon a training that takes place over 9 months, meeting one weekend per month. However, I read that the location is 1 1/2 hours away and it starts in September. Yikes, I better decide quickly. I thought about it for a few days, thinking about all the ways I would benefit from it and looking for every reason not to do it. Then I talked to Jay. Well, that sealed the deal. He was fully supportive. No reservations. We compared calendars, making sure that my training weekends did not conflict with his school commitments. All was good. I just needed to take the leap and contact the instructor. Well, I am now five months into it, with my fifth training this weekend. One weekend each month I pack my bag, roll up my mat and head west. The training is Saturday morning to Sunday evening. I spend the night from Saturday-Sunday in my very own cozy hotel room. Jay and Meseret have some quality Daddy-Daughter time. I bring a hefty to do list with all the tasks I want to get done on Sunday morning before I drive to my class. I had class today and am sitting at the desk in my hotel room finishing this post that I have been working on since early December. In the month in between weekend trainings, I am expected to read from three different books, study for written tests, practice yoga and meditation at home several days per week, and attend two yoga classes per week. My yoga class days are generally Mondays and Wednesdays, so Jay and I do the "tag yer it" thing on those days and I return home in the evening for a late dinner. I feel so fortunate to have this opportunity. It is an amazingly challenging journey and I am learning more than I bargained for. Much more. That is precisely what I have been searching for.
Survival Strategy Four- Charter School
This has been a work in progress for a couple years now, yet the idea has been brewing for some of us for several years. We are meeting twice a week, plus each of us has work to do on our own or via Google Drive in between meetings. One night a week the meeting is here at our house. That keeps me on my toes (and gets the house tidied up). Yay! I dream of Meseret being a part of this school one day. That is what drives me to commit a good chunk of time to this process. We have a huge mountain of work ahead of us, but we will get there one day.
On Detaching (I have a long ways to go)
I hereby dedicate today's practice to these two loves of my life.
Back in November I made it official, I submitted my letter (again) requesting a leave of absence for the remainder of this school year. I knew I was going to do it, once J ended up with a new position back in June, after being cut from his position of the last 5 years. I knew that this was the year to do it, to take a leave, and that this was the biggest investment I could ever and will ever make. It is a beyond-measure big investment.
With all my certainty about taking a leave and all the wonder of being w/ Meseret for so many precious moments, once I was home, full-time, each day, and not going to work, I felt a little uncomfortable. I admit it.
Jay, too, was home full time, until December 9th, so we had 5 solid months to establish some roots as a family. What a blessing. It was not until he started work that my 'discomfort' crept in.
Being home full time with Meseret is new, amazing, fabulous, liberating, uplifting, enlightening, a whole lot of fun, and very often a welcomed challenge.
I would also describe it as different, strange, unfamiliar, a challenge that I find quite trying at times, and uncomfortable.
The discomfort comes mainly from not making an income. Since I was 16 years old, I have earned a paycheck for myself. With that comes independence. For the last seventeen years, my career has been teaching at one school or another in the Syracuse City School District. The work was mostly inspiring, always a welcomed challenge, and the income was secure. For the last eleven years, J and I have both been liberal with our money when we wanted to be, and frugal much of the rest of the time. For the last nine years in our home, I have contributed my half of our budget.
It is a bit of an adjustment to contribute so little now.
We both knew this time would come, that one of us would take a year's leave to invest time in building connections with Meseret. We worked out a budget spreadsheet a year ago to see if it was feasible. It was.
It is a huge adjustment, but I am getting used to it, or getting past it. The joys and challenges of spending each day with Meseret have trumped whatever feelings I have been harboring about taking this leave.
I never knew how it would feel until the time arrived. Now that time has passed, I feel less and less uncomfortable. I am slowly learning to be in the moment and be thankful that I have this opportunity. Otherwise, I am wasting too valuable time analyzing the choice to take this leave. Time is too precious for any more of that.
Balance
Once I knew I was taking a leave, it was clear that I needed a plan for how I would mentally, emotionally, and intellectually survive when going from working full time in education (for years) to being home full time with a toddler.
Survival Strategy One- Grad Class
From Sep. to Dec. I was taking a grad class on Monday nights. It was fairly demanding, relative to other classes in this (Educational Leadership) Program. There was a good amount of reading and a paper due each week. Plus, there were some pretty big projects, both individual and group. On a weekly basis I would go to a local cafe or library for 3-4 hours to do my coursework. I would also spend a couple hours a week meeting with my colleagues. It was great to get out and connect with some colleagues and engage in some really tough conversations about education and equity. The class ended the week before Jay started his new teaching position. No conflicts. It was perfect. This class was the last in my required coursework for my CAS. What I have left is an internship.
Survival Strategy Two- Internship Search
In order to complete my CAS degree, I have to secure an internship position in Building-level Leadership. Even after coming this far, I still know that I do not aspire to be a Building Principal. I do aspire to do something in [Teacher Leadership or Professional Development], but running a building does not appeal to me. So, once I return in the fall, I am hoping to be in a position that involves either or both of [those], as well as satisfies my internship requirements. I have had some initial meetings with a few district-level people and am writing up a proposal for a position that does not presently exist. Time will tell where that will lead. This keeps me focused in a healthy way on some aspects of my future.
Survival Strategy Three- Yoga Teacher Training
In September I embarked on a new path. I started a 200 hour RYT (Registered Yoga Teacher) training. I have been looking into this for a few years now. Each training I came across was a schedule I could not (or would not) commit to. For example, meeting every other weekend for 5 months or meeting for 2 weeks straight. After spending a good amount of (nap) time researching different options, in August I stumbled upon a training that takes place over 9 months, meeting one weekend per month. However, I read that the location is 1 1/2 hours away and it starts in September. Yikes, I better decide quickly. I thought about it for a few days, thinking about all the ways I would benefit from it and looking for every reason not to do it. Then I talked to Jay. Well, that sealed the deal. He was fully supportive. No reservations. We compared calendars, making sure that my training weekends did not conflict with his school commitments. All was good. I just needed to take the leap and contact the instructor. Well, I am now five months into it, with my fifth training this weekend. One weekend each month I pack my bag, roll up my mat and head west. The training is Saturday morning to Sunday evening. I spend the night from Saturday-Sunday in my very own cozy hotel room. Jay and Meseret have some quality Daddy-Daughter time. I bring a hefty to do list with all the tasks I want to get done on Sunday morning before I drive to my class. I had class today and am sitting at the desk in my hotel room finishing this post that I have been working on since early December. In the month in between weekend trainings, I am expected to read from three different books, study for written tests, practice yoga and meditation at home several days per week, and attend two yoga classes per week. My yoga class days are generally Mondays and Wednesdays, so Jay and I do the "tag yer it" thing on those days and I return home in the evening for a late dinner. I feel so fortunate to have this opportunity. It is an amazingly challenging journey and I am learning more than I bargained for. Much more. That is precisely what I have been searching for.
Survival Strategy Four- Charter School
This has been a work in progress for a couple years now, yet the idea has been brewing for some of us for several years. We are meeting twice a week, plus each of us has work to do on our own or via Google Drive in between meetings. One night a week the meeting is here at our house. That keeps me on my toes (and gets the house tidied up). Yay! I dream of Meseret being a part of this school one day. That is what drives me to commit a good chunk of time to this process. We have a huge mountain of work ahead of us, but we will get there one day.
On Detaching (I have a long ways to go)
Here are some pics Jay sent me today while my phone was off and I was immersed in a session of Yin Yoga, which included holding particular poses for 4-6 minutes each. Multiply that by the 12 poses we explored. Ouch. The things I learned about myself during those 4-6 minutes...Eeek.
He sends me pics each weekend I am away. It "keeps me posted" on how their day is going. Though we are expected to be detached when we are in training, I sooo look forward to a break when I turn my phone on to see these:
He sends me pics each weekend I am away. It "keeps me posted" on how their day is going. Though we are expected to be detached when we are in training, I sooo look forward to a break when I turn my phone on to see these:
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| This one was titled "Pre-nap stroll" |
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| This one was titled simply "Love" |
I hereby dedicate today's practice to these two loves of my life.
May get I through tomorrow, when I have to teach my first real sequence, which is essentially a regular class worth of asanas (postures).
Here's to leave and balance.
Wow, I had no idea you had all of this going on! Color me impressed. That's a lot to balance and it sounds like you're handling it well.
ReplyDeleteI, too, was uncomfortable by the time I reached the end of my six-month leave. I wanted to feel like I was contributing financially (although, truth be told, I make a fraction of what my husband does) but more than that, I was just not happy being at home all day with a child, even my long-awaited-child. It just wasn't for me. The part-time schedule I was able to return to has been perfect for me. I get more time with her than I would if I was working full-time, but I get my professional time and my income. Your approach to the balance is wonderful - using this time for education (both toward your degree and with the yoga) and for continuing to build upon your dream of the charter school. I love it!