Still processing...

So, we have been home from Ethiopia a week now; seven days that seem like a blur. It's all fuzzy to me.

I am mostly without words. Still processing. Will do my best here.

Trying to make sense of our time in Ethiopia, while trying to transition back to our semi-normal life back here. As my friend Kelly recently said: "The time between trips is a bizarre, strange time. You're expected to live out your regular life, but nothing is regular about it - because your daughter is not with you." In those two sentences, she so accurately describes where I am.

In addition to not having Sweet M here with us, I am trying to sift through everything I learned in our short eight days in Ethiopia, everything about... kindness, values, smiling, gentleness, beauty, generosity, and simple humanity. And about saying thank you, Amesege'nallo. And being fully present. I am struggling in this transition back to "here." I know, you might be thinking, "you were only there for eight days." True, however, my soul has shifted profoundly in what I was fortunate enough to experience in those eight days.

This is why I am beyond words. Instead of trying to explain it, I will have to try to incorporate it, live it; incorporate what I can from Ethiopia into our lives so that we can "live it" w/ Sweet M when she is finally here, here to share this home with us and live in this society. I thought I knew a good amount about living a good life, a true life. But now I know I have so much more to learn. I am so grateful for the opportunity to have experienced this enlightenment (for lack of a better word). My life was lacking a very important perspective until now.

So, was that heavy enough for you? Hang in there, here comes the lighter stuff...

Sweet M: you are amazingly sweet:

• You are almost constantly kicking your leg, and when music comes on, you start really kicking 
• Your tongue is most likely out, either reaching for your nose, or at an angle as if you were licking food from your chin 
• You are determined- when you want something, you do not let up 
• YOU ARE FULL of smiles smiles smiles! you light up the room 
• Oh, and the scrunched up face you make when your Daddy tickles you w/his beard 
• You make this squeaky little humming noise a lot, it is so precious 
• Once, early in the week, your squeaky little hum turned into an ever increasing scream. A happy scream, but a loud loud scream nevertheless! You were probably as entertained by our reaction to you as we were of your production. 
• You turned 10 months yesterday! 
• You have skills with the army crawl. We might just make you your very own challenge course to practice on. 
• You are TALL. Enough said. 

That said, you have been through so much in your short 10 months on Earth. Three different places to call home, and even more caregivers. Loss, oh the loss.

The care and love you are getting now from your nannies makes me feel at peace. They love you so much. And we totally understand why. We love you also. So much to love.

I have not even begun to talk about all the other lovable, precious, smiling babies and older children we met and spent time with at Horizon House.

There is much more to say right now, but I must help pay the mortgage. For now, here are some moments captured, needing no captions...

and